Mr. Gerald knew the exact day, three years ago that his wife moved into assisted living due to her early-onset dementia and primary progressive aphasia. After being admitted, she suffered a femur fracture, underwent surgery, and soon was no longer able to walk. Her dementia progressed rapidly. As I sat collecting interview data from Mr. Gerald in the hallway, his wife was being moved from her bed to her wheelchair; she was now unable to speak, only able to change her facial expressions and occasionally move her hands. I feared talking to Mrs. Gerald\u2019s love, as I knew that he must be hurting tremendously. Making Mr. Gerald relay the struggles of the last few years simply for the sake of practicing my interview skills felt wrong. My sorrow began to mirror Mr. Gerald\u2019s as the story of his wife\u2019s incurable condition unraveled. He told me the intimate details of the Gerald family dynamic with great accuracy, stating that he was happy to be teaching medical students about their experiences.<\/p>\n
\u201cI am with my wife every morning and afternoon for six days of the week; our daughter comes on the seventh day. I am her companion and I keep her active constantly.” Honored to be speaking to such a dedicated husband, I asked, \u201c\u2026and what is that time like? Do you feel that your presence helps your wife with her condition?\u201d Silence fell upon the room. Mr. Gerald tried to speak but was caught by tears. \u201cPlease,\u201d I said, \u201cyou don\u2019t have to talk about anything that you don\u2019t want to \u2013 you are doing such incredible things for your wife. Thank you so much for sharing with us.\u201d The other medical students added their humble thanks and Mr. Gerald continued,<\/p>\n
\u201cthe aids here, the nurses, they tell me that my wife lights up when I am around \u2013 that it is simply not the same when I am not here.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I asked Mr. Gerald about the strain that this illness has had on life and he relayed that tending to his wife was indeed difficult but it was his duty to do so for his loved one. Being by her side was crucial to him. He described his other daily activities, revealing the healthy social and family life that he maintains outside the assisted living facility.<\/p>\n
The physical examination was next, so we moved into Mrs. Gerald\u2019s room. Calling her by her nickname, Mr. Gerald walked in with great enthusiasm and began attending to his wife. Her eyes opened and she smiled, fixating all her attention on her love and ignoring the three white coats that brooded over her.<\/p>\n
Once my time with Mr. and Mrs. Gerald was over, I consulted Mrs. Gerald\u2019s medical file. As I read, I came across notes from the assisted living facility\u2019s social worker:<\/p>\n
\u201cMr. Gerald visits his wife frequently. With time, he should do so less.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
That is all that was written. Posing that family or friends aught to visit their ill loved ones less often is not such a cut and dry topic and surely does not merit such stringent of a statement. All families react to illness differently and this should not only be understood by healthcare providers but respected. This was a case of absolute dedication. The physician-patient relationship is secondary to the loving human relationships that enrich patients\u2019 lives. Recognizing this essential fact is crucial to approaching patients and their loved ones humbly \u2013 without it, true healing is not attainable.<\/p>\n
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