I find a glimmer of light.
\nIt is the shape of a keyhole
\nand wavers. I crawl
\nblindly in a sudden desperate desire
\nto find the lock
\nand the source of light that is behind it.
\nThe keys in my pocket jangle.<\/p>\n
When I am in the hospital I am a stranger
\namongst other strangers. Only
\nbecause I am wearing a white coat
\nI am supposed to know where
\nto go. The hallways bustle with white noise.
\nI hug myself and move quickly so no one
\ncan see me shaking.<\/p>\n
There are several keys in my pocket.
\nKeys made to open to secure
\nto keep safe to rescue.
\nKeys that are purposeful and always always
\ncome with a lock. But there
\none key is still being formed
\nis new and raw
\nis lockless.<\/p>\n
The streets are full of ice
\nand wherever I step
\nthe dark glimmer cracks.
\nI feel that if I am not careful
\nI may miscalculate a step and then
\nthe crystal surface of my confidence
\nhair-thin
\nwill collapse, will bring me ankle-deep
\nin barely frozen water rushing unintuitively upwards
\nrising into my socks past my white coat
\nsoaking my barely used scrubs
\nice-water surging towards my knees
\nfemur gasping in its acetabulum
\nthoracic spine shaking
\nlike a suffocating fish.
\nI am drowning in the thought that
\nI am not enough.
\nThe snowbanks drip in the sunlight
\nand sparkle.<\/p>\n
I sit amidst all my past and present identities
\nand begin to make out a new one ahead.
\nIt is mirrored in the M4s: knowledgeable mature
\nscruffy in a responsible doctor-like way.
\nWill I too become like them?
\nI am not afraid of how I might change but rather
\nwhat I will lose after a year in the hospital.
\nThe lock to my growing key remains unknown.
\nAnd yet, I sense its existence\u2014
\na path of light filtering through the darkness
\ntowards me\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2026and you too. Your light
\nyour key
\nyour lock
\nour journey.<\/p>\n
Med17: thank you
\nfor the past two years
\nand for the years to come.
\nI have my key in one hand
\nand your hands in the other
\nas we search for our hidden locks together. We walk
\nand look and celebrate when one of us finds a lock that fits
\nthat opens up a bright new world of excitement.
\nWhere will you be?
\nWhere will I? Only time and walking and sharing together will tell.
\nAnd the doors one day will open
\nleading to new rooms and new doors
\nand our keys will jangle
\nlike the sound of clapping hands
\nlike the sound of many smiles
\nbreaking ice.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Featured image courtesy of Stephanie Wang Zuo<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I find a glimmer of light. It is the shape of a keyhole and wavers. I crawl blindly in a sudden desperate desire to find the lock and the source of light that is behind it. The keys in my pocket jangle. When I am in the hospital I am a stranger amongst other strangers. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":695,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false},"categories":[8],"tags":[126,127],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themspress.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/694"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themspress.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themspress.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themspress.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themspress.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=694"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.themspress.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/694\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":704,"href":"https:\/\/www.themspress.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/694\/revisions\/704"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themspress.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/695"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.themspress.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=694"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themspress.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=694"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.themspress.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=694"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}